Where there are sparks, there's a blazing electrical storm...

Piggy turned to Kermit, and growled. "Kermie, why is there a weirdo taking my act?"

"Your act?" Kermit asked. "Since when was it your act?"

"Since I was so graciously asked to perform it on ‘American Idol’," Piggy said, pushing her hair back pompously.

Kermit frowned. "Piggy, you didn’t even sing, you just made a small appearance!"

"Don’t talk details with me, frog!" Piggy said. "I know what I did- and at least I was there."

Kermit shook his head. "It doesn’t matter Piggy," he said. "What matters is, this is not your number!"

"Yes it is!" Piggy countered, not as brilliantly as she had hoped.

"No, it is not!" Kermit fought right back.

"What are you saying?" Piggy glared down at the frog.

"I’m saying that you, Miss Piggy, are wrong!" Kermit shouted. "You’re always wrong!"

The Muppet Theater grew deathly silent. Everyone looked at each other. Piggy stood, staring, mouth agape at Kermit.

Ohhhh, boy.

Well, we all of us know, that things between the frog and the pig may not always be moonlight serenades and rock bottom cheap muskatelle, but they ARE always interesting. In this excerpt from theprawncracker's latest fast paced, quick witted fanfiction, "Men are Pigs," the romantic tension between the frog and pig, not to mention every other established couple, snaps like a piano wire. In other words.... duck! But don't miss this story, still in progress at MC.

Update: This story has now been completed.

And now for a little moonlighting...

Kermit kept playing as she talked. For once, he didn’t mind at all that she was complaining. He listened to her, and occasionally nodded or made an off hand comment about something he would take care of when he got back. But all the while, a swirl of other thoughts danced through his mind.

“...But he still can’t get that light fixed, Kermie. Moi do not know what he has been doing up there, but it obviously isn’t helping at all. He can’t possibly be doing anything to help Rowlfie and Scooter, because he just spends every day up there tinkering with some wires or something. That’s all he ever does, Kermie...”

He glanced at her. Was it the moonlight? The way it played across her face through the branches, illuminating her face in perhaps just the right way... But no, that wasn’t it. Was it her clothes? He kept playing.

“...And Kermie, you wouldn’t believe how terrible it smelled! But Rizzo was crazy enough to eat it, as usual, and you can’t even tell now...”

He glanced at her. Was it the swamp? The grass and the branches of a few trees behind her seemed to somehow frame her face in perhaps just the right way... But no, that wasn’t it. Was it the stars? He kept playing.

“...So he went all the way to the other side of town just to buy this silly paintbrush, and then he realized that he didn’t even have the right paint. So he went all the way back...”

He glanced at her. Was it just how tired he was? No, that wasn’t it. Planetary alignment, perhaps?

Perhaps, Kermit, perhaps not. The preceeding is a segment from TogetherAgain's wonderfully poignant story, "Swamp Call," in which Kermit is called back to the swamp to be with his frog family during a very difficult time, and his Muppet family must struggle together to cope with their beloved leader's absence, as well as finding a way to support him. Swamps, sisters, banjos and clumps, "Swamp Call" has much to draw in the ushy gushy loving reader, and is well worth a little quiet reflection under the stars, and near your own favorite, muddy pond.

A Fantastic Fanfic Moment - 01

This time, thought Kermit smugly. This time—nothing can go wrong.

Famous last words? Of course. But in this case, they are also the first words of a short fan-fiction piece written by Ruahnna, a member of the Muppet fan-site Muppet Central. As with all fan-communities, The Muppet Show has its share of art, stories, and speculation created by fans, for fans. Here at Swinehearts we aim to provide you with access to everything that supports the secret love of Kermit and Miss Piggy and that helps call-back an era when romance was the at the centre of the Muppet lore.

Over Christmas, and into the new year, Ruahnna provided us with a series of speculative stories surrounding the creation of the Hallmark Christmas Ornaments. Here is a short clip from her story, "What an Angel."

*****

Posing for Christmas ornaments had not always played to his particular strengths, but this time, he wasn’t even in the photo shoot—leaving him free to supervise and run interference on pesky photographers. He felt certain this was going to go better.

Once again, he and Piggy had found themselves the guests and subjects of the nice people at Hallmark. Kermit would always gratefully remember their phenomenal support while The Muppet Show was running and their first three movies were being made. Time was you could not go into any Hallmark Store anywhere and not be greeting with Kermit’s smiling face or Piggy’s delectable form. Speaking of delectable…. Kermit trotted over to Piggy’s dressing room to see how she was faring.

“I look like the Statue of Liberty,” Piggy had complained, lifting the folds of mint green. Kermit opened his mouth to reassure her but found he could not, in good faith, disagree with her assessment. The dressmaker had been accommodating (as well as awe-struck) however, and had been very interested in Piggy’s input. Never shy with her opinion when it came to fashion, Piggy had made several specific, um, “suggestions,” and the designer and her team of seamstresses had rushed to comply.

She had wanted the gown to look less like a choir robe and more like a ladies ball gown. She had insisted that they raise the neckline—angels must not show, well, anything that would not be appropriate. The dress—especially if the ornament was going to be sculpted as though she were flying—needed a belt if the dress wasn’t going to simply droop from her shoulders. They had not made gloves—she had brought an array for them to choose from, and they had matched her favorite shade of lavender and used it to dye the shoes. They had initially tried it without shoes, but it made the overall impression seem more shepherdess-like than angelic, so Piggy had been obliged to accept yet another pair of lovely shoes (Oh—the burden of it all!) designed just for her.

While she had been adamant about the lack of cleavage shown by the neckline, she had been equally insistent on the topic of the effects of heavenly gravity verses earthly gravity. Appropriate undergarments were procured, and everyone was pleased with the result. The undergarments proved to be more significant than anyone had anticipated when it became necessary to hoist Piggy up into the air as though she were actually fluttering around the Christmas tree. It was absolutely imperative that everything stay exactly where it belonged, from the shoes—which showed a marked tendency to come off—to the dress, which wanted to shift a little on her shoulders. The halo and wings proved to be logistical nightmares of their own. Minute adjustments were made, and spirit gum was liberally applied. The pulleys did their work and Piggy soared magnificently into the air.

Like everyone else, Kermit walked around her raised form admiringly, but when the admiring went on for what seemed to him like and inordinate amount of time, Kermit began to feel proprietary and huffy, glaring meaningfully at anyone whose gaze lingered for longer than he felt was necessary. Unfortunately, no one paid him any mind—including Piggy—and she giggled and flirted shamelessly with this new batch of camera jockeys while they admired her heavenly form.

“Can we get started?” Kermit demanded.

('What an Angel' is continued here.)