Why is the grass green? An investigative report by KtF

Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here, on behalf of Swinehearts News, with an investigative report, the depth of which has been seldom seen on the internet! I have here a question submitted by a top secret informant whose identity I am sworn to protect. The question is...
Why is the grass green?
Ah, and I see a helpful person now. You, sir! Could you answer me a question?
Johnny: That depends on who's asking.
I am asking, sir.
Johnny: Well, that's okay then. Go for it.
Why... is the grass green?
Johnny: Cannolis!!!!!
...I...see. Well... thank you. Um... moving right along, to these two, uh, gentlemen. Excuse me. Would you mind telling me, why the grass is green?
Statler: Why is the grass green?
Waldorf: It feels sick!
Statler: Yeah, it's been watching this show too long!
Waldorf: Dohohohoho!
But this is no show! This, sirs, is the internet, the information super highway, the world wide-
Statler: It is?
Waldorf:We'd better get out of here.
Well... why?
Statler: I'm not allowed to drive, sonny.
Waldorf: Am I'm not crazy enough to be on a regular highway, let alone a super highway!
Fozzie: Boo! That was terrible! Get off the net!
Ah, I hear another victim, er... volunteer, approaching. Hello there!
Fozzie: Hi Kermit!
...uh, yes... hello, to you sir!
Fozzie: Kermit... it's me... Fozzie.
Shh... I'm working here. I'm going to interview you.
Fozzie: For real? Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Is my tie straight?
You look fine, Fozzie. Now then... can you tell me, why the grass is green?
Fozzie: Oh, uh... why the grass is green. I can do this... don't rush me... Oh, yeah! Because the grass is always greener on the OTHER SIDE ahhhhhh.
*crickets* *crickets*
Fozzie: No? well, how about a better question? Why did the chicken cross the grass? Because the grass is always greener on the OTHER SIDE! Wocka wocka! Oh, I kill me!
... and... everyone else. Thank you, Fozzie. Let's see here... oh! Hi- ho! Kermit, here, with a profound question for the ages. Why is the grass green?
Pepe: The only green hi am interested in is the moolah, hokay... speaking of which, Kermin... I think it's time hi got a raise.
As much as I would love to talk about this, Pepe, I have a question to which I must find the answer.
Pepe: Jou won't forget again, will jou, Kermin?
Phew... it never hurts to be fast on the old flippers. Oh, I see a lively looking pair over here in the band. Would you mind telling giving me your opinion, sirs, on why the grass is green?
Lips: *silence*
I see... and you sir?
Zoot: Zzzzzz....
Uh huh. Well... maybe a few of the other bandmates! Pardon me sir, ma'am. Tell me, why do you think the grass is green?
Floyd and Janice: *hurried conversation* Uh, we're gonna have to pass on that one, green stuff.
Janice: Rully.
My... they certainly seemed in a hurry. Oh, there's Beauregard. He's almost never in a hurry. Beau! Please, tell me... why is the grass green?
Beau: What colour is the grass now?
No, you don't understand, what I wanted to know was... oh.. nevermind. You seem cheerful. Why do you believe that the grass is green?
Bean: Green is for cuteness! And when it's not for cuteness! It's for envy! And if all the grass is green...and cute...then it is bigger than, and cuter than, me and so I am green with envy! Oh get me the weedkiller folks!
Uh... maybe it's time for a scientific perspective. Here we have Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. Can you give us the reason for grass to be green?
Bunsen: Oh, that has all got to do with chlorophyll... a better question to be considered is why is my assistant, Beaker, green.
Beaker: Mee mee me me meee!
Uh, yes, but rather than explore that... Gonzo! Gonzo, come here please!
Gonzo: Hi Kermit!
Hello! Gonzo... why is the grass green?
Gonzo: Because the toasted marshmellow and picadilli sandwiches were taken.
I'm... going to leave that one alone, but look, we must be getting closer to the real answer! Here's my dear nephew, Robin. Hi- ho, Robin!
Robin: Hi, Uncle Kermit! What are you doing?
I am doing inteviews about a very important question. Maybe you can help me. Robin, why do YOU think the grass is green?
Robin: 'Cause it's worth it. I mean, I know it's not that easy, being green, but... it's worth it, isn't it, Uncle Kermit?
It sure is, Rob-
Piggy: KERMIE!
Robin: See you later! ...good luck with this one.
Why, thank you. Uh, hi Piggy!
Piggy: Why hello, Kermie! Don't you look so dashing in your trenchcoat?
Oh, um... yes, well... I'm doing interviews you see, about a question of great importance!
Piggy: And what would that be?
Why, is the grass green?
Piggy:... THAT is the question?
Yes.
Piggy: To go with the leaves, of course. Ask moi another, a better question!
Oh... uh... well, alright. Miss Piggy, can you tell me why there are, um... so many songs about rainbows?
Piggy: Because there aren't nearly enough about moi.
...lovely. WHY CAN'T ANYONE GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER!
Piggy: Well, why do YOU think the grass is green, mon capitan?
... Um... well... because... it's cool, and friendly-like?
Piggy: Which, the grass or the colour?
I, uh... I'm not really...
Piggy: Moi thinks it's about time vous got out of that trenchcoat and relaxed for a while, Kermie. Sign off now, dear.
Kermit: Oh... uh... Until next time, this is Kermit the Frog, saying... it's not easy understanding green either.