Where there are sparks, there's a blazing electrical storm...

Piggy turned to Kermit, and growled. "Kermie, why is there a weirdo taking my act?"

"Your act?" Kermit asked. "Since when was it your act?"

"Since I was so graciously asked to perform it on ‘American Idol’," Piggy said, pushing her hair back pompously.

Kermit frowned. "Piggy, you didn’t even sing, you just made a small appearance!"

"Don’t talk details with me, frog!" Piggy said. "I know what I did- and at least I was there."

Kermit shook his head. "It doesn’t matter Piggy," he said. "What matters is, this is not your number!"

"Yes it is!" Piggy countered, not as brilliantly as she had hoped.

"No, it is not!" Kermit fought right back.

"What are you saying?" Piggy glared down at the frog.

"I’m saying that you, Miss Piggy, are wrong!" Kermit shouted. "You’re always wrong!"

The Muppet Theater grew deathly silent. Everyone looked at each other. Piggy stood, staring, mouth agape at Kermit.

Ohhhh, boy.

Well, we all of us know, that things between the frog and the pig may not always be moonlight serenades and rock bottom cheap muskatelle, but they ARE always interesting. In this excerpt from theprawncracker's latest fast paced, quick witted fanfiction, "Men are Pigs," the romantic tension between the frog and pig, not to mention every other established couple, snaps like a piano wire. In other words.... duck! But don't miss this story, still in progress at MC.

Update: This story has now been completed.

And now for a little moonlighting...

Kermit kept playing as she talked. For once, he didn’t mind at all that she was complaining. He listened to her, and occasionally nodded or made an off hand comment about something he would take care of when he got back. But all the while, a swirl of other thoughts danced through his mind.

“...But he still can’t get that light fixed, Kermie. Moi do not know what he has been doing up there, but it obviously isn’t helping at all. He can’t possibly be doing anything to help Rowlfie and Scooter, because he just spends every day up there tinkering with some wires or something. That’s all he ever does, Kermie...”

He glanced at her. Was it the moonlight? The way it played across her face through the branches, illuminating her face in perhaps just the right way... But no, that wasn’t it. Was it her clothes? He kept playing.

“...And Kermie, you wouldn’t believe how terrible it smelled! But Rizzo was crazy enough to eat it, as usual, and you can’t even tell now...”

He glanced at her. Was it the swamp? The grass and the branches of a few trees behind her seemed to somehow frame her face in perhaps just the right way... But no, that wasn’t it. Was it the stars? He kept playing.

“...So he went all the way to the other side of town just to buy this silly paintbrush, and then he realized that he didn’t even have the right paint. So he went all the way back...”

He glanced at her. Was it just how tired he was? No, that wasn’t it. Planetary alignment, perhaps?

Perhaps, Kermit, perhaps not. The preceeding is a segment from TogetherAgain's wonderfully poignant story, "Swamp Call," in which Kermit is called back to the swamp to be with his frog family during a very difficult time, and his Muppet family must struggle together to cope with their beloved leader's absence, as well as finding a way to support him. Swamps, sisters, banjos and clumps, "Swamp Call" has much to draw in the ushy gushy loving reader, and is well worth a little quiet reflection under the stars, and near your own favorite, muddy pond.

Never Before...one more time now!

Before The Muppet Movie was unleashed upon cinemas, the Muppets themselves gathered in Coconut Grove, Hollywood, for a small, private party -- in other words, a huge celebrity bash hosted by Dick van Dyke and Rita Moreno, featuring a plethora guests ranging from Christopher Reeve and LeVar Burton to Vincent Price and Liberace. This was The Muppets Go Hollywood, a one-hour tv special which aired on CBS in 1979.

Within the program for this glamerous promo party, Johnny Mathis joined Rowlf at the piano to croon his rendition of Never Before, Never Again, as Kermit and Piggy gaze on from a nearby table-for-two.

How I Caught My Frog

By Miss Piggy (transcriped from the Miss Piggy Calander, 1981)





Rana Kermitta, the common frog -- though only a booknosed biologist would consider this magnificent specmen common -- is as smart a critter as he is handsome, and if you want to lasso this baby, you've go to be just as quick on the uptake as he is.

I chose the location of my stand with a great deal of care -- a stone ledge on the end of a small swamp with a good field of view. I picked the time right, too -- full moon on a hot summer night.

As I bid adieu to my Seminole guide, he apprised my arrangements with an approving nod. "You gonna get your hands on something green tonight, missy, for sure," he remarked. "I ought to," I said impishly, remembering his hefty fee for showing me that special swamp of his. "I certainly put enough of something green in yours."

It might surprise veteran hunters, but I had placed myself upwind of my prey, not downwind, counting on the evening breeze to carry a few wiffs of the powerful frog-attracting scent I'd packed in my London Bog swamp jacket. I put a dab of two behind each eat, set out my lure, and settled down to wait.

Tonight the bait I'd opted for was a single-dip soft-vanilla sugar come with a solitary cherry -- the Old Reliable. I've used heavier stuff -- tripple scoops, exotic toppings, mixed flavors -- but I've found that for hooking their interest on that all-important first look, you can't beat the cool, white flash of creamy vanilla. And let me tell you, if you don't get your frog interested fast, you don't get a second chance.

A soft rustle in the eel grass told me my quarry was approaching. I could feel my heart pounding as I saw in the glare of my Marsh Master 12-volt lantern a pair of olive mitts closing on my lure. Slowly, I raised my net and poised myself to lunge. Closer and closer he came. It took all my concentration to keep that cone steady and not spook him with a sud-
(continued on page 57)


Editor's note...we could not find the continued clipping of that article, no matter how hard we searched through the drawers in Miss Piggy's wardrobe...

Hanker, hanker

"Have you been hankered at by a pig before?" Kermit asks in the first of a series of interviews transcripted by, and hosted at, the Toughpigs Community.

Well, as you know, here at Swinehearts we have a hankering of our own; namely, a hankering for anything related to the romance of a certain pig and a certain frog, and so we present That Magnificant Hankering, a series of transcripts at ToughPigs that range from Entertainment Tonight (1984) to Larry King Live (1993) and The 31st Emmy Awards (1978).

First up, a Strange Kind of Feeling, in which Kermit talks to David on Good Morning America about girlfriends, hankers, and little green footballs.

Moving right along, My Secret Love, transcripted from Bob Hope's Birthday Special (1978) in which Piggy has a song she wishes to sing into Bob's eyes...but Bob is nowhere to be seen, so a pair of cute, ping-pong-ball eyes will just have to work as a stand-in.

"Be Bob Hope," Piggy insists.
"There is no way I could be Bob Hope!" Kermit reponds, worried.
"Kermit! Kermit!"
"What?"
"Do it because I love you."
"No."
"Do it because I need you."
"No!"
"Do it or I'll cut ya in half!"

Moving swiftly on...The Love Life of Frogs, in which Piggy announces, "Kermit...we are engaged.", Kermit tries to hunt for Piggy's tail, and Gonzo introduces his chicken girlfriend Camilla.

And if that wasn't enough, next we have Not a Rules Girl in which Kermit reads the rules for the 1979 Emmy Awards, and Piggy flounces for a close-up as she tells the frog to, "...get your flippers off my hips."

And there's even more romance coming, stay tuned to Swinehearts for detail on the next four interview transcripts from ToughPigs.com

Photo gallery

Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then prop your flippers on a pillow and we'll take a look back over the (rose scented!) romance scrapbook (handmade paper, too, so keep your fingerprints to yourself, buster!).

Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog recreate one of Hollywood’s hottest couples, Cleopatra and Marc Anthony. "The best part about the shoot was all the jewelry that I get to keep," said Miss Piggy, but it was her director and on-screen lover, Kermit the Frog who answered our next question. "Oh—that’s easy. The hardest part was peeling all those grapes."

"Oh Kermie! Look! Look! It’s just like I always dreamed! What a beautiful room! What a beautiful—Kermie? Kermie! You’re not looking!"

"Wow, Miss Piggy. You look very, um, nice tonight."
"Thank vous, Mon Capitan." *Sigh* "You have the most adorable ping-pong eyes…."

"C’mere you! I’ve been waiting the whole movie to kiss the bride!"
"Oooh! Look, Kermie! Photographers!"
"Piggy!"

"I’m ready for my closeup, Kermie."
"Okay, work it Honey! That’s right! Put your foot a little further back, purse those puckery lips and say "Truffles!"

Piggy: "Oh, save me, Kermie, um, Flash! Save me, oh save me oh—say! Do those cute little boots come in my size?"
Rizzo the Rat (as Ming the Merciless): "Darn—there goes the barbeque."

The media love Miss Piggy almost as much as the red carpet does, and she loves the media almost as much as she loves chocolate! Here, Kermit the Frog (behind top hat) and Miss Piggy part the crowd to get to their limo on Oscar night.


Business is booming when Miss Piggy is the cover story! Kermit the Frog (pictured between hat and scarf) minds a news stand on a blustery morning in Manhattan.

Miss Piggy delighted armed (and legged) servicemen when she parachuted right onto center stage in to the USO show. Her arrival was greeted with enthusiastic applause. Said Miss Piggy, "I was aiming for the mess hall."


Kermit and Frog and Miss Piggy share a quiet moment at Christmastime. No debates about red or green this Christmas!


"Forget Victoria's secret! We have an exclusive look inside the inner sanctum of one of Hollywood's hottest leading women! Our cover story: What inspired a pig to get into movies?"


The new look for spring is bold! Daring! And covered in cute little frogs!

Kermit and Miss Piggy pose for photographers after their wedding.

Said Mr. the Frog, "That went better than expected." Said Mrs. the Frog, er, Miss Piggy, "This is the happiest day of his life!"

Stepping out with a star, sad times bye-bye! Kermit and Frog and Miss Piggy trip the light fantastic in this Broadway number, while the chorus line of rats just tries not to trip. Said Miss Piggy, "Who invited these bozos into our big number?"

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